Confusion Is Putting It Nicely
by Feilyn
Summary: It's usually customary to inform a person that you're dating them before acting as if you are. But when is anything that happens to Sasuke considered usual? Particularly when it involves Naruto or Sakura, neither of whom he is attracted to. At all. OT3


_All right! This is a gift-fic for my wonderful darling awesome friend _**i AM the Random Idiot**_, and it is only, oh, four or so months late. IT'S NOT MY FAULT, THE COMPUTER CRASHED AND I LOST THE FILE D:_

_She requested a super-dorktastic and cute NaruSasuSaku OT3 fic, and I have delivered! Eheh, better late than never?Anyway, here it is! Random (and everyone else reading), I hope you like it!_

xXx

Much to his annoyance, Uchiha Sasuke can still remember enjoying Christmas.

And not even some appropriately bittersweet memory from before his life fell apart that he can properly angst over, but rather loud flashes of yellow and pink, showing up on his doorstep at some ridiculous hour of the morning and refusing to leave unless he came with them.

Of course, he can remember putting up some show of irritation (if one looks closely, the scorch marks are still there), because Uchiha Sasuke is nothing if not a pissy bastard. But it had been a show nonetheless, and he'd come away from the whole experience with more than just a week's supply of cup ramen and a stylish man-bag (which he may or may not still be using six years on, much to Sakura's amusement and mild horror – at this stage, it's terribly unfashionable).

"Sasuke." A frustrated Sakura jerks him out of his musings on Christmas past and back to the present. Christmas present. In which Sasuke has returned to Konoha only to be roped into decorating. "Pass me that string of fairy lights, would you? And for god's sake, do something about Naruto."

Sasuke stares at her mutely, carefully balancing as she is on a stack of books piled on top of a chair. He is Uchiha Sasuke, the former S-class rogue nin! (The former, he insists, pertains to the rogue-nin, not the S-class). He is an avenger, it's beneath his dignity to even consider—

He hands her the fairy lights.

She gives him one of those irritatingly happy smiles, the one that makes him feel a little warm inside. Before he has time to even think about threatening his body for such a betrayal, there's a loud crash behind them, followed by a brief pause and then several more.

Sasuke sighs as the smile disappears completely to be replaced with Sakura's usual expression of Extreme Rage (which, oddly enough, doesn't dissipate the warm fuzzies any).

"Na-ru-_to_!" she yells, at the same time Sasuke rolls his eyes and mutters the name under his breath. Sakura makes to go after the idiot blond, only to remember that she's still entangled in fairy lights. "Sasuke?"

"I'm—"

"An avenger, yes, I know. Now go and avenge those decorations Naruto just destroyed."

Sasuke gives her a flat look, irritated at having been discovered. "'I'm on it', is what I was going to say."

Sakura takes in that blank stare and raises him an eyeroll, pointing in the general direction of Konoha's Number One Idiot ninja. "So go."

"I will," he shoots back, and makes her wait for a brief second before turning on his heel to return to the house they'd left Naruto alone it. That, he now realises, had been a mistake, even though both Sasuke and Sakura had figured that considering it was their house, he'd be a little more careful.

It's only after he passes the halfway mark that he realises he's been had, and at that point it will just take longer to return than it will to continue on to what should be termed a natural disaster. Or so he tells himself, at least.

Sasuke stands over a dramatically groaning (and faintly sparkling) Naruto, waiting for his idiot to realise it's not Sakura who has come to his rescue. There's a faint pause before Naruto cracks an eye open and Sasuke pre-emptively blocks his ears. He's pretty certain he looks ridiculous, but sometimes (very rarely) dignity has to be sacrificed for the sake of one's health.

As it is he can still hear some of his idiot's flailing, but it's bearable. He's distracted for a moment by the sight of Naruto's lips forming some sort of curse, and thinks that the dead last is a lot nicer to look at when he's not making noise, except that Naruto is never not making noise, so it's unlikely he'll ever find out the truth. What is he doing there again?

It's the blond's sudden wince and another carelessly shaped curse that clues Sasuke in to what the problem is. He takes his hands from his ears and holds one of them out for Naruto to grasp (with much sighing and rolling of the eyes – it wouldn't do for anyone to think he cared). There's a faint clunking sound as the ornaments embedded in his idiot's back dislodge themselves and hit the ground.

"All you had to do was carry the decorations," Sasuke tells him, more than a faint hint of exasperation to his voice. There's fondness there as well, although he'll never admit it. "You better not have broken any of those. Sakura will murder you."

"Nah, she won't. It's Christmas!" and he gets flashed that summer-bright grin which only intensifies the left over warm feeling from Sakura's smile. Except that it can't really be termed left over, because it never really went away. In fact, now that he thinks about it, some residual form of that feeling is always there, whether or not either of them is smiling. Whether or not either of them is there.

Sasuke thinks he might be in trouble.

An enraged scream comes from Sakura's direction. "I. HATE. CHRISTMAS!"

Birds take flight.

Sasuke gives Naruto a sidelong look. "You go."

"Nuh uh. I already tripped over the decorations. She's not angry with you yet."

"Exactly my point. Why should I suffer when you're already in the perfect position to do it for me?"

Naruto eyes him, face screwed up a little. They are, Sasuke realises, still holding hands. "I liked you better when you didn't talk," he decides, and there's this glint in electric blue eyes that tells him his idiot doesn't mean a word of what he says (thank god), and when did he become _his_ idiot anyway?

Naruto's hand tightens around his as the blond starts to drag him inexorably towards Sakura, and Sasuke feels vaguely as if they're heading to their doom. A smarter man would have tugged away and run like hell in the opposite direction (which, he discovers as they make it outside without incident, several shinobi in the area have taken it upon themselves to do), but it's been proven over the years that while Sasuke may be a genius, he's not particularly intelligent. Plus, Naruto's hand is distractingly warm around his, and his idiot has this particularly moronic 'no retreat' policy. So his choice is let go of Naruto's hand and live, or face his doom with the dead last.

Sakura won't really kill him, he decides and is just glad that, when they come into her line of sight, she starts throwing Christmas baubles as opposed to kunai.

"What happened, Sakura-chan?" Naruto calls cheerfully, ducking under something red and ridiculously sparkly.

"I fell off the goddamn chair because I was hanging your stupid fairy lights!" she yells back, aiming a particularly nasty-looking painted green pine cone at him. Naruto gulps and Sasuke blinks as his hand is tugged on and suddenly his idiot is cowering behind him as the Last Uchiha™ faces death-by-tree-organ. There are more undignified ways to go, surely, but at that moment Sasuke can't think of any.

"Human shield!" Naruto cries, as if the words will give him more protection than six foot of terrified shinobi, and they might at that – Sasuke's finding it difficult to move.

Silence. Sasuke takes a peek out of one eye (and it's only then that he realises he had them both squeezed shut). Sakura is poised like some crazed goddess of war, missile at the ready and just waiting for a target. He has a brief moment to be thankful that apparently he doesn't count as such, before Naruto's head pops over his shoulder.

"Hey, what's the hold—"

The rest of his sentence is cut off as Sakura's pine cone nails him in the mouth. Sasuke barely has time to be grossed out by the spittle and general choking noises against his neck before her impromptu star shuriken scores a direct hit to his idiot's forehead. There's a faint clunk followed by a squawk of confused outrage, and Naruto takes Sasuke down with him.

"...Ow," the blond announces. "Jeez, Sasuke, lose some weight or something."

"Jeez, Naruto, get stronger or something," Sasuke snarks in return, trying to ignore the way Naruto's chest is pressed up against his back, and somehow they're still holding hands, and why does he even _care _about any of this?

"Bastard! Who're you calling—"

From his position lying on Naruto, Sasuke can see exactly what caused his idiot to abruptly stop talking. Sakura is approaching, except maybe it's the Apocalypse, because the look on her face is more than a little terrifying. Once again, Sasuke debates the pros and cons of running, and once again, he stays put. After Itachi, he always figured he'd die with Naruto anyway.

"Don't you think you're being a little...irrational about...this..." Sasuke trails off when Sakura turns her death glare on him.

"I'll say nice things at your funeral," Naruto whispers as the woman starts yelling, and the hot breath against his ear distracts him enough that when he remembers to tune back into Sakura's rant, she's waving her arms about something different entirely.

She's really ridiculous attractive when she angry – not pretty, her face screws up and goes a little too red for that – but watching her get worked up and passionate about something enough to yell makes Sasuke want to be the smarmiest bastard on earth (not that he's not already) just to have her get that passionate about _him_.

A bauble thumping into his chest jerks Sasuke out of his reverie, and he blinks, lifting his gaze from Sakura's lips to her eyes. He has been downgraded to target status, it seems. Naruto's hand tightens on his waist sligh – _how did Naruto's hand get on his waist?_

Before he can splutter or choke or complete any other appropriate action in response to that, Naruto decides to butt in right as Sakura opens her mouth to launch another tirade.

"Ne, Sakura-chan, if you don't like doing it, why _are_ you, huh?"

Silence.

Sakura stares incredulously at Naruto as Sasuke quietly freaks out about the hand at his waist that _isn't moving_.

"It's our first Christmas together!" Sakura exclaims. "How couldI _not_ be doing it?"

Sasuke shuts his eyes. Maybe that'll make the hand go away. At the very least, it makes the adorably confused look on Sakura's face go away.

He can hear that confusion echoed in Naruto's voice. "It's not our first Christmas together," he tells her. "It's the third! Before when we were twelve, last year, and this year!" Three fingers tap against Sasuke's hip to emphasize the point. Sasuke resists the urge to kill things and concentrates instead on hyperventilating.

"I mean—" He can just imagine Sakura flailing a little to make her point. "Us. Together. _As_ an us. You know what I mean!"

Abruptly Sasuke gives up on hyperventilation and stops breathing entirely.

Naruto makes a noise of understanding (something that Sasuke only vaguely recognises, he hears it so seldom), before pausing. "Oi, Sasuke? You okay there?"

Sasuke manages to squeak out an affirmative, eyes flying open. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

He is faced with Sakura's suddenly worried expression and Naruto's hand still on his hip. Absently drawing small circles on the skin. Human hearts weren't made for so much work.

"Sasuke, are you all right?" Sakura echoes Naruto's question, crouching down next to the two men and taking Sasuke's free hand. The one that isn't tangled with Naruto's. "You're looking sort of pale..."

"Sakura-chan, it's Sasuke. He always looks pale!"

And then Sakura and Naruto set to bickering again as Sasuke tries desperately to scrape half a sentence together.

"...Us?" he manages to dredge up eventually, cutting Sakura off mid-insult as she blinks, wide-eyed at him.

Why is she so close? Why is he still lying on top of Naruto? Why is that damnable hand _still drawing circles?_

Sakura's incredulous gaze shifts from him to Naruto. "You didn't _tell_ him?" she demands of the blond.

Naruto's awkward chuckle thrums through Sasuke's chest in response.

"You said you'd tell him!"

"Tell me what?" Now that they appear to be getting somewhere, the words are coming more easily to Sasuke

"I thought he knew!" Naruto protests.

"What made you think that he knew when _you didn't tell him?_"

"He's lying on top of me! He's holding our hands! He looks at you like a total pansy, and he's letting me draw circles on his hip!"

Silence once again as Sasuke tries to will himself to disappear. When that doesn't work, he figures running might, and has just steeled himself to shove away from his teammates and make a break for it when Sakura lets go of his hand and straddles him instead.

Sasuke's heart stops along with his breathing. This is _so_ not his day.

"Would somebody," he begins slowly, once he remembers how to breathe. "Mind telling me what is going on?"

"We're dating," Sakura informs him simply, and her hands are pressing down on his shoulders while Naruto grabs his wrists so he can't bolt. They know him far, far too well. "The three of us, that is."

"It's true," Naruto remarks conversationally, as Sasuke thrashes a little. "Sakura'n I figured out a week ago. I was meant to tell you, but I figured by how you were acting that you already knew or something. You're a real sap, y'know that?"

"I'm – not—" Sasuke manages to choke out as he continues his attempt at escape. Why he's protesting his apparent status as a sap and not his apparent status in some weird sort of three way relationship, he doesn't know.

"Sorry, Sasuke," and Sakura really _does_ sound apologetic. "But you kind of are. Only in front of us though, really. You're still manly and emotionless to everyone else. Promise," she adds, and somehow that one word invalidates the entire last sentence.

"Well, except Kakashi," Naruto amends, and that really doesn't make Sasuke feel any better about this situation.

"...Is this why you kissed me this morning?" Sasuke manages to say, directing it towards Sakura. He'd managed to put the whole event out of his mind, somehow (repression works wonders, really), but this whole..._situation_ brings it right back to the forefront of his mind. It's not, he notes absently, an unpleasant memory.

Sakura stares at him. "...Why on earth _else_ would I have kissed you? What, do you think I go around the whole Village randomly kissing people, is that it? Jeez, Sasuke, have a little faith—"

She's working herself up into a truly epic rant, Sasuke can tell. What with all of today's shocks (and the hand on his hip), he's _really_ not in the mood for being yelled at right now. Maybe later when Sakura doesn't look quite beautiful, shaking her hair out of her eyes as she sits on his waist.

Really, he's quite justified in the way he leans up to kiss her.

She stops talking immediately, and _dear god_, if he'd known that's the off button, he would have done this years ago. Beneath the two of them, Naruto squirms, grumbling something against Sasuke's neck that the older teen certainly does not listen to, not even when that hand stops with the small circles and starts with the poking him in the stomach.

Slowly, Sakura pulls away. Sasuke is expecting a dazed look in her eye, maybe even a spark of adoration. Instead, he gets that irritating twinkle which means she's laughing at him. "We'll work on that," she says, and he can just _tell_ that she's barely restraining herself from patting him on the cheek.

There's a strangled '_hah!'_ from underneath him and Sasuke, distracted from flushing horribly at his failure, catches Naruto's poking hand in an iron grip and _squeezes_. Prudently, Sakura decides to vacate the area of Sasuke's-Stomach as the Fourth Ninja War breaks out.

The world tilts as Naruto somehow manages to move from under-Sasuke to on-top-of-Sasuke despite only having the use of one hand. The other one forms a fist, but Sasuke flips the bastard and pins him, hand over head, as the other one flails around trying to hit him. Their fights usually last longer than this, but usually Sasuke does not find the sharp curve of Naruto's mouth more enticing than it should be (that's a lie), or the feel of his body underneath him more alluring than it ought to be (so is that. Usually, he's just better at ignoring it). He grabs a fistful of his idiot's shirt and is about to let go of his hand to punch him appropriately in the face when Naruto lunges up and attacks him with his _mouth_.

Well. Attack is perhaps not the right word. In fact, it's sort of – okay, _nice_ is definitely not the right word either. Without even thinking about it, Sasuke's mouth opens in response, and this is a kiss that is _absolutely nothing_ like the one he just shared with Sakura. It's not better, or worse, it's just wonderfully different and Sasuke thinks that maybe this whole dating thing isn't such a bad idea after all.

That doesn't stop him from punching Naruto in the face anyway, of course. He's _not_ a sap, damn it.

"Son of a—" And then Sasuke catches a fist to the jaw and Ninja War Four And A Half is about to get rolling when a hand grasps the back of his shirt, and Naruto becomes similarly entangled before the owner of the hands hauls them both up and slams their heads together.

Dazed as he is, Sasuke knows better than to try and get away this time. Naruto is not quite so quick on the uptake, and his squirming leads to another involuntary head-butt.

"Would you _stop_ with the head-smashing already?" Sasuke cries, reeling slightly as the world blurs and then rights itself again. Naruto's head is _hard_, damnit.

"Are you two going to behave in a mature and adult manner about this?" Sakura asks sweetly through gritted teeth.

Silence. Naruto starts pulling stupid faces behind Sakura's back.

Her hand is very much still attached to the back of his shirt. Sasuke rethinks that no-escape plan, and wonders how much it'll cost to get this shirt fixed if he rips it as he runs.

Sakura sighs, fingers flexing slightly. Sasuke is very nervous having those fingers right at his neck, knowing that she could snap it with only two of them. "Sasuke, stop contemplating escape. Naruto, _I can see you_."

Sasuke doesn't bother to question how Sakura knows what he's thinking. She knows _everything. _

His idiot stops with the faces immediately.

"Dobe," Sasuke mutters out of habit.

"_Teme!_"

Sakura's fists tighten, and any thoughts of another beat down are abruptly shelved for another day, preferably when Sakura is on a mission at least six days away. "It's too much to ask that we all be grownups about this, isn't it?"

"Aw, Sakura-chan, but it's not as fun that way," Naruto announces, grinning at her. Sasuke has to wonder at where his sense of self-preservation has run off to, before remembering that this is Uzumaki Naruto, and he never had one. "Where's your Christmas spirit, huh?"

"Did you conveniently forget what started this whole mess, or are you really just that thick?" Sasuke mutters, unable to help himself. Sakura stares at the both of them, as if she can't believe that they are _actually that dumb_, and the Last Uchiha squeezes his eyes shut once again to mentally prepare his skull for sudden and extreme contact with the hardest head in Konoha.

A moment passes, and nothing. Another sigh from Sakura, and Sasuke feels like maybe it's safe to crack an eye open. A beat, and he opens the other as well.

"Let's review, shall we?" Sakura asks. Both Naruto and Sasuke know better than to argue at this point. "I hate Christmas, because I'm the woman and I'm meant to make sure everything is perfect. Sasuke is an oblivious idiot who wouldn't notice if his own arse was on fire, and Naruto has a chronic case of foot-in-mouth syndrome."

Sasuke stamps on Naruto's foot before his idiot opens his mouth to comment.

"The three of us are dating. Each other," Sakura continues. "Sasuke needs to learn how to kiss a girl properly, although he apparently knows how to kiss a boy. Which is interesting. And I still hate Christmas. Any questions?"

"...Do I have a choice in this dating thing?" Sasuke asks flatly.

Both Naruto and Sakura stare at him for that one, and he shifts uncomfortably under their gaze. Why does he have to open his stupid mouth? Honestly, he _knew_ there was a good reason to communicate in 'Hns', and it wasn't just because it pisses Sakura off.

Naruto's mouth moves sort of like a fish, but it's Sakura who finds her voice first. "Do you...want one?" she asks, and the uncertainty that's evident there in her voice for the _first time_ all day is what clinches it for Sasuke.

He shrugs awkwardly, still hindered by Sakura's hand. "Just registering my objections about the term dating," he says as casually as he can manage. Which is not very, but it's an effort, damnit! "It makes us sounds fourteen again."

There's a brief pause where the world holds its breath, or maybe that's just Sasuke, and then a wide grin (wider than usually, that is) breaks like dawn across Naruto's before spreading to Sakura's. Sasuke's own lips twitch slightly, and he _knew_ that bastard was contagious!

Sakura lets go of their necks (finally, that was starting to _hurt_) and throws her arms around Sasuke, kissing him exuberantly. She's gone before he has a chance to react, though, hands twining in Naruto's hair as she kisses him too, long and soft and slow and maybe someone else would be jealous, but Sasuke really just wants to join in.

Of course, that's when Naruto steps backwards and the world pauses (ominously this time) as the _crack_ that announces his breaking of one of Sakura's precious ornaments fills the air. It's then that Sasuke remember this entire scene has happened outside, most likely in full view of the neighbours, one of whom is Yamanaka Ino and oh god, there's no hope. More urgent matters are at hand, however, as Sakura stares with Growing Rage at a Naruto who just laughs awkwardly an scratches the back of his head as he stumbles to get away from her.

Several more cracks ensue. "Sorry!" Naruto calls, even though Sakura is only a foot and a half away from him.

Sasuke's not sure, but she may have just grown horns.

"Run," he advises Naruto, stepping up behind her and grabbing her arms. "I'll hold her off."

His idiot gives him a horror-filled look. "But I don't want you to die a virgin!" he cries.

Silence. Sakura twists to look up at Sasuke, whose hold on her arms has suddenly slackened. "If you hold him down while I cut pieces from him, I'll forget you ever tried to help him?" she suggests.

"Done," Sasuke agrees immediately, and Naruto doesn't even bother trying to talk his way out of this one, instead turning on his tail and getting the hell out of there as Sasuke and Sakura give chase. Various taunts and shrieks of _I'm going to kill you, Naruto!_ echo through the Village all afternoon.

The world can twist itself inside out on days like this, but some things never change.

xXx

_Aaaaaaaaaaaaand after four months of work, it's done!_


End file.
